


Flinch

by Rachaelizame



Category: Star Trek: Deep Space Nine
Genre: Gen, Implied/Referenced Child Abuse, Past Child Abuse
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-04-28
Updated: 2017-04-28
Packaged: 2018-10-24 23:55:35
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,138
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10752417
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Rachaelizame/pseuds/Rachaelizame
Summary: "'Get off my station."'His voice was cold, a particular shade of anger, he'd never used before, but one he thought must be reserved for child abusers."





	Flinch

**Author's Note:**

> I'm not totally pleased with how this turned out but I'm done fighting with it.

Benjamin Sisko walked along the Promenade, contemplating the day’s duties. As he walked, he happened to catch sight of Julian and Richard Bashir talking and smiling in an alcove off the Promenade.

Sisko was glad to see Julian and his father smiling, and paused to watch them, this morning’s odd conversation still ringing in his head. Julian and Richard continued talking, but the longer Sisko watched, the dimmer their smiles grew. Sisko couldn’t hear what they were saying until Richard raised his voice and his hand.

“You expect me to accept that of you?” Sisko didn’t know what he was talking about and frankly, didn’t care to figure it out, because all he noticed was Julian’s flinch.

The moment Richard raised his voice, Julian had flinched backwards- just the slightest bit, but enough to be noticeable. And all Sisko could think about was the fact that no child should ever flinch when their parent raises their voice.

Before he knew what he was doing, he was standing between Richard and Julian, holding Richard’s upraised arm in his hand. He didn’t know if Richard would have done anything with that arm- especially in a public place like they were- but he wasn’t risking it.

“Get off my station.” His voice was cold, a particular shade of anger he hadn’t used before, but one he thought must be reserved for child abusers- because he knew very well that that was exactly what was going on here. Children may not like it when their parents get angry, but when they grew up in a safe household, they weren’t afraid of it. There was no reason to flinch unless something was very wrong in that situation.

Richard looked surprised and blustered at Sisko.

“Excuse me, sir, what are you doing? I’m trying to talk to my son!” Sisko heard a slight exclamation from Julian but ignored it.

“It looks to me like you were trying to intimidate him.”

“Intimidate! Jules, tell him what’s really going on!” Sisko turned his head slightly to look at Julian, noting the use of the name “Jules.” He wondered what that was about. At first, he’d thought it just a nickname, but now he was wondering. Perhaps that was Julian’s name before he transitioned? If so, that just gave another reason to be angry with Richard Bashir.

Julian, however, was looking mortified, as if he’d rather be anywhere but there.

“Sir, it’s really not a problem. Honestly, it’s not as bad as it looks.”

“If you two want to discuss this elsewhere, I won’t get in the way. But I will not allow my officers to be threatened on my station.” 

Just then, a voice came over the comm system.

“Medical emergency! Doctor Bashir to the infirmary!” Julian started and pressed a hand to his comm badge.

“I’ll be right there.” He nodded at Richard and Sisko, still looking embarrassed, and rushed off. Sisko turned back to Richard.

“I want you off my station. I don’t care where you go, so long as you are no longer here. And be grateful that I don’t report this… incident to the authorities on Earth. Julian may be an adult now, but the statute of limitations doesn’t apply to child abuse.”

“Abuse! How dare you accuse me of doing that to Jules! Everything I did, I did for his best interest. Let me tell you-”

“Mr. Bashir, you wouldn’t believe the things I’ve heard that excuse used for. And let me tell you, one father to another. Children raised in a safe, loving home don’t flinch away from their parents. They also don’t avoid talking about their parents for years, or avoid bringing up sensitive topics with their parents in the same way that Julian has. When I saw his expression when you and your wife first arrived, I wondered about it. I’m not wondering anymore.”

Richard backed down and looked wounded.

“Jules- doesn’t talk about me?”

“No, he doesn’t, and now I can see why. And his name is Julian.” With that, Sisko stormed off, making plans to call Julian to his office in a few hours to speak with him.

-  
When Julian arrived, he looked wary.

“Captain, I just want to say that it isn’t as bad as it looked. He wouldn’t have hit me, he was just- angry.”

“Julian, you’re not a parent, so you don’t this, but a father should never even raise an arm against their child. He shouldn’t have even considered hitting you.”

Julian slumped down and looked dejected.

“I know that. It’s just- they’re my parents.” Sisko softened at the words.

“I imagine it must be hard to accept that your parents aren’t acting in your best interest-

“Sir, trust me, I have accepted that.” Julian looked embarrassed at cutting off Sisko, but determined to impress that fact on him.

“Why do they call you Jules?” Sisko asked.

“It’s my birth name.” Julian sighed. “My parents are… old-fashioned. I don’t know why. But we had… a big fight when I was fifteen. In a fit of anger, I told them I was trans. They accepted it, because they felt guilty, but they never really agreed with it.”

“So they call you by your dead name.”

“That’s not the whole extent of it. I probably could have accepted being called Jules if it was only about my being trans. I wanted… to separate myself from them. See, they never thought I was good enough. From the time I was six years old, they were trying to change me into their perfect son. A part of why I became a doctor is that it’s one of the only things I can remember being interested in even before they… treated me like they did. They miss us being close, I know they do, but I just can’t accept what they did to me.”

“I understand. There’s no reason why you should. I don’t know what they did, but there’s no excuse for it.”

Julian looked relieved.

“I can’t talk about it. I can’t.”

“That’s fine. Everyone wears their trauma differently.” Sisko said. Julian looked surprised.

“I wouldn’t call it trauma…”

“I would. Julian, you flinched when he raised his voice. That should never happen. At most a child might wince because they know they’re in trouble, but you didn’t wince. You flinched. I saw your face when Dax brought them in here. You distanced yourself from them for a reason.”

Julian nodded slowly.

“I don’t want to think of them that way. We were so close, for a little while. All I wanted to do was to please them, make them be proud of me.”

“Julian, good parents would already have been proud of you. You can’t make someone accept you if they aren’t willing to do so.”

Julian looked thoughtful as he left the room.


End file.
